Questioning Yourself

This is a little different than what I normally post.

This is just an e-mail someone else sent to a friend and the response she received back. I was forwarded these e-mails from a third party and after reading them I thought they were worth sharing.

I was sure I wasn't alone in experiencing … "failure in prayer" … even when following what was thought to be "God's Will." I have shared some of my failures before on this blog. Open and honest … that's what you get with me.

I don't believe you will have any problem understanding the situation this first young lady found herself in after obediently following what she felt was the "Will of the Lord."

These are two young women who grew up together. I know them both. Now years later, as believers each wants God to use them to minister in any way they can. These two friends live in different states and seldom get to see each other anymore. So they share their feelings, questions, doubts and needs with each other through e-mails.

So, open your heart, hear the intent of what is being said. Maybe we can all learn something about life and feel better about some of our own "failures in prayer" from what is shared in not only the first e-mail, but also by what is said in return.
............................

"Hi, I want to share something with you that happened to me recently. It has to do with praying for someone else to be healed. Because of this situation I have been spiritually dormant for a few months, but lately it keeps coming up in my mind.

I have a very dear friend, my age, whose husband was dying of cancer. Healing has always been the one area I would never touch. Too afraid of failure? Other spiritual failures, you can hide or fake your way thru, but not healing. Everyone knows if someone doesn't get healed when you pray for them. It's a combination of pride and doubt in myself.

So of course, what did God call me to do? Nothing less than to lay hands on my friend's husband as he lay on his death bed in the final stages of cancer. Talk about jumping in with both feet into cold water!

The Lord built me up over several weeks leading up to it. He put very purposed scripture in front of me, woke me in the night with specific messages, placed books in front of me, sermons, etc. It all pointed to the same thing … I had no doubt in my mind. God was going to raise this man up in front of our eyes!

When fear crept in, He pointed me to the scripture of Jesus in the boat when He said, O you of little faith! It was like … Okay God, I hear you. Send me … I will go. And I went.

His wife was there when I walked in … and she knew I was there to pray. It was very overwhelming. He has three little girls. His wife does not work. No life insurance.

First of all … I have never really looked cancer in the face before. I walked in and just literally fell to my knees. I prayed like I have never prayed in my life. I lifted my shaking hands and just began to praise Him and declare who He IS. The great I AM. I got up; armed with the scriptures He had given me … I laid hands on him.

I prayed, I confessed, I declared, I prayed in the spirit. I did it ALL. Nothing. Quiet. Nothing. His wife just looked at me. Nothing. I left that hospital so defeated, beaten down, questioning God, questioning Jesus, feeling abandoned, lied to, set up … it was ugly.

I went into a depression and stayed that way for several days. I would wake in the night crying. I have never felt so abandoned by God.

I now know thru lots of seeking God and His healing that this thing is not over yet. Yes, my friend died, and now his wife is dealing with her own anger with God, but I know God had me to do all that for a reason. I still don't know what it is, but I still feel that same tugging in my heart that there's a big lesson He has yet to reveal in all that happened.

I went, out of obedience and I … Did it afraid. Will I have the courage to go the next time He calls me? I don't know and that frightens me. I still want to be able to say, Here am I, send me. Was my faith in myself? I really hadn't thought it was.

I had heard the voice of the Lord and I am still convinced of that … but why He didn't show … I may never understand.

I still trust Him and I know that He is good. I have felt a call on my life to do the deep spiritual things of God, as in operating in the gifts, but I'm very much still learning and in the early stages of stepping out … even when … overtaken by fear."

The return reply …

"You know in reading your e-mail, first I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. It is very tragic anytime someone succumbs to sickness, and young too. I will keep your friend in my prayers.

As for you, I applaude you for stepping out in faith and praying for your friend. You did not surrender to the fear that the devil was putting all over you because he knew there was a chance for a miracle.

Jesus paid the price for our healing at the cross, & miracles of healing are given to us to demonstrate God's power. However it doesn't mean that good Christian men and women don't get sick and die before their time. It does not necessarily mean that they have sinned or that they didn't have enough faith. It just means that they have received their ultimate healing in heaven, where there are no more tears and no more pain, no more sorrow or suffering.

Do you think it's useless to pray for a miracle since God has a sovereign will and maybe you're going to be one of those who do not get healed? Is God playing some sort of a Russian roulette game with your life? It is not always our privilege to know why or how God does or does not do certain things in certain ways. God is not accountable to you or me.

We do know that God and His Word are unchangeable. We do know that He still works miracles. We also know that … "it is appointed unto man once to die." (Heb. 9:27)

With that being said … do not think that you went there to just pray for your sick friend and nothing happened. God met you there. He was there before you arrived and He was there while you prayed and He was still there when you left that day.

Do I believe in miracles? ABSOLUTELY! Just because you didn't see a miracle that day in his healing does not mean that God wasn't working a miracle. Your friend received his healing in heaven … that may have been God's plan. I do believe that there is still a miracle here.

Have we seen all of the things that God intends in this situation … probably not.

But what I do know is that you have a calling on your life to be an intercessor, one who can stand in the gap and pray, one who has the faith to lay hands on the sick, and the weak, the weary. You are obviously feeling it and hearing it.

Will you see it all the time? No. Will it be obvious miracles each and every time? No. We praise Him when we see them and praise Him when we don't. If we saw miracles all the time we would just take him for granted knowing that He will heal us or deliver us.

Do not by any means feel like a failure. The devil wants you to believe that because you didn't receive the miracle you were asking for, that you failed.

You absolutely did not!

You did exactly what God wanted you to do. He is opening the door for you with your friend's wife. Keep that communication open. I feel you are going to still see miracles through your act of faith. God is definitely not predictable and He works His plans, in His time and through His means. Don't doubt … step out and keep diving in with both feet!"


Content edited … used by permission.