Abandoned by God

I was sure I wasn't alone in experiencing … "failure in prayer" … even when following what was thought to be "God's Will."  I have shared some of my failures before on this blog.  Open and honest … that's what you get with me.

I want to share a letter with you that has to do with praying for someone else to be healed.  This woman like me, is being open and honest with her feelings.  Maybe you can identify with her.  She writes ...


"I have a very dear friend, whose husband was dying of cancer.  Healing has always been the one area I would never touch.  Too afraid of failure?  Other spiritual failures, you can hide or fake your way thru, but not healing.  Everyone knows if someone doesn't get healed when you pray for them.  It's a combination of pride and doubt in myself. 

So of course, what did God call me to do?  Nothing less than to lay hands on my friend's husband as he lay on his death bed in the final stages of cancer.  Talk about jumping in with both feet into cold water!  

The Lord built me up over several weeks leading up to it.  He put very purposed scripture in front of me, woke me in the night with specific messages, placed books in front of me, sermons, etc.  It all pointed to the same thing … I had no doubt in my mind.  God was going to raise this man up in front of our eyes!

When fear crept in, He pointed me to the scripture of Jesus in the boat when He said, O you of little faith!  It was like … Okay God, I hear you.  Send me … I will go.  And I went.

His wife was there when I walked in … and she knew I was there to pray.  It was very overwhelming.  He has three little girls. His wife does not work.  No life insurance. 

First of all … I have never really looked cancer in the face before.  I walked in and just literally fell to my knees.  I prayed like I have never prayed in my life.  I lifted my shaking hands and just began to praise Him and declare who He IS.  The great I AM.  I got up; armed with the scriptures He had given me … I laid hands on him. 

I prayed, I confessed, I declared, I prayed in the spirit.  I did it ALL.  Nothing. Quiet.  Nothing.  His wife just looked at me.  Nothing.  I left that hospital so defeated, beaten down, questioning God, questioning Jesus, feeling abandoned, lied to, set up … it was ugly.

I went into a depression and stayed that way for several days.  I would wake in the night crying.  I have never felt so abandoned by God.



I now know thru lots of seeking God and His healing that this thing is not over yet.  Yes, my friend died, and now his wife is dealing with her own anger with God, but I know God had me to do all that for a reason.  I still don't know what it is, but I still feel that same tugging in my heart that there's a big lesson He has yet to reveal in all that happened.

I went out of obedience and I … Did it afraid.  Will I have the courage to go the next time He calls me?  I don't know and that frightens me.  I still want to be able to say, Here am I, send me.  Was my faith in myself?  I really hadn't thought it was. 

I had heard the voice of the Lord and I am still convinced of that … but why He didn't show … I may never understand."
 

Wow ... talk about being honest. 

Another friend of hers sent this response to her letter.  I added a couple of the words as I edited the length of it ... but I think the message is still in tact.


"It is not always our privilege to know why God does one thing one time and something else another time.  God is not accountable to you or me.

But we do know that God and His Word are unchangeable.  We also know that … "it is appointed unto man once to die." (Hebrews 9:27)



With that being said … do not think that you went there to just pray for your sick friend and nothing happened.  God met you there.  He was there before you arrived and He was there while you prayed and He was still there when you left that day.

Will you see miracles all the time?  No.  Do not feel like a failure because you didn't receive the miracle you were asking for.  You absolutely did not fail!

You did exactly what God wanted you to do.  Do not feel like you failed.  You were not in charge ... God was."


So I ask, have you ever felt ... "abandoned by God?" 

I have ... but I was wrong.  We don't live and act on feelings.  In fact, I think the Apostle Paul said something like ... "we walk by faith, not by sight."  Peter would never have walked on water, had he not stepped out in faith.

Abandoned by God?  Never!