A Word for Fathers

I am a father and also a grandfather, and as such, looking back I find that I made mistakes that I don't want my children to make as they raise my grandchildren.

I have found through the words of the Apostle Paul, a couple of lines of wisdom on how to raise children. One verse was sent in his letter to the Colossians and the other verse was sent to the Ephesians. I want to look at each of these verses and see just how God's Word will help guide and instruct parents.

1.) Colossians 3:21 … "Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children, do not be hard on them or harass them, lest they become discouraged and sullen (brooding) and morose (dark, moody) and feel inferior and frustrated. Do not break their spirit."

Paul wrote this instruction to the fathers of his generation, but in today's modern world I believe these inspired words need to be understood and heeded by both mothers and fathers. In fact, a large percentage of kids today are being raised in single parent homes. This only adds to the problem.

I will try to share some of the dangers parents face by not following God's outline concerning parental care and guidance of their children. There is much sound and practical wisdom in this observation made by the Apostle Paul.

Your child may become discouraged by continually finding fault with them, causing them to despair, to lose all hope of ever pleasing you.

Children should be encouraged in what they do and should be commended and rewarded with praise when they do well. But the desire for praise should not be the main principle from which they act or respond to, but they should feel that the recognition and approval of parents is desirable.

The parent who is never satisfied and always finds fault with everything his child does … breaks his child's spirit and destroys all desire for doing what is right. The child in despair soon gives up every effort to please. He becomes indifferent to all you try to motivate him with and becomes to a great extent indifferent to all he does … since all he does … is met with the same criticism or disapproval from those who are supposed to love him the most … his parents.

When kids of any age feel they don't receive any approval from their parents, they become discouraged, disheartened and their spirits are broken; after which they disregard all parental instruction and grow stubborn and rebellious.

2.) Ephesians 6:4 … "Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger, do not exasperate (irritate) them to resentment, but rear them tenderly in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord."

We can as parents through our own frustrations, sometimes irritate and provoke our kids to anger; the K.J.V. uses the word … "wrath." We need to take a look at this word wrath. It means … "intense anger" … (usually on an epic scale) aroused by "a real or supposed wrong" which may bring to the child a belligerent attitude.

How do you provoke your children to wrath? One way is by subjecting them to unreasonable rules. If the rules of a parent are unreasonable, the spirit of a child then becomes irritated, and he becomes discouraged (made less hopeful.)

So instruct them and punish them … if punishment is necessary … but not so they lose their all confidence and trust in you, but shall continue to love you.

The Apostle Paul has hit on the very danger to which parents are most exposed in the correction of their children. And that is … how to control the parent's temper … which can make the child feel that the parent is only operating under the influence of anger towards them; which teaches and promotes that it is right for them to be angry also.

There is no principle more important than this; a father should control his own temper when he must punish his child for wrong. He should punish a child not because he is "angry," but because it is "right" and not because it has become a matter of who is the strongest; but because God requires that he should do so, and the welfare of the child demands it.

When the child feels that the parent punished him simply because he was the strongest, not because it was right; the child is left with the conviction that "a wrong" has been done to him by the punishment he received, rather than learning repentance for the wrong that he "himself" has done.

Remember … anger lets in Satan, and leads to sin against God. Know that it is difficult for the best of men to be angry and not sin; therefore lean on God for your help, strength and wisdom as you lovingly nurture and correct your children in the fear of the Lord.

"Kids are not going to be Spiritual Giants."

They are a work in progress.